parties and activities in November

one weekend I was away to the prayer mountain looking for solitude and a place to think and meditate and converse with the Lord about the many things going on and to find a new direction and to look at things from a different perspective...

the following weekend and even days before that I found myself surrounded with people and busy with different activities--from group meetings to parties and wedding and hang-outs with friends and cousins...

On Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning I was sitting in the midst of a crowd in SSS at East Ave. surrounded with busy people fixing their documents to get an ID. After that I met with the team to discuss some matters and pray together...

Another meeting on Friday morning and then party in the afternoon. Since last year, FECPI workers party is in November because obviously everybody gets busy in December... ECC workers sang and after that we had games... that was really fun at the same time tiring.. the committee program prepared awards and surprises to the workers and I was blessed to have received one. Thanks to all the committee who really exerted an effort to make this event memorable...

after the party, we decided to hang-out just like what we did last year... since we already had dinner, it's time for coffee and we were headed to eastwood (favorite hang-out while we were still in college.

FECPI Workers Christmas Party

ECC workers singing the opening number

The singles of FECPI

coffee after the party

Satuday, we were also excited for in the afternoon, one of our dearest friend is getting married... But before that there was a women's conference which unfortunately i wasn't able to attend because i met with my sister. The hour has come... it was a very simple ceremony witnessed by close family members and friends. and I felt honored to host the reception.

again after that, we spent some time to have coffee at the basement where they checked in with some friends from the Bible College. Then to Eastwood again where my cousins were waiting for me... That was really fun, we played games and shared laughter...

the Koenig's wedding

with the couple: Mo and Brenda

the couple and friends (ladies in green: Joy, Let, Aileen & Koko)

coffee after the wedding with friends

Sunday, I attended the worship service at FFR. Slept after that until 4 in the afternoon then prepared for the party in the evening. Together with Abby we conducted the games. I never thought it would be that fun to facilitate the games for the moms... they were more excited that it was among the youths... I like the fighting spirit.

again after the party, I thought i would be resting already because i haven't really rested yet... but there was another invitation to Eastwood because the young people were there. with much urgings, I finally gave in and went out with my friends...

FFR Women's Christmas Party

away to the mountain

when disappointments and discouragements come, where do we turn to go and escape?

friends, malls, movies, books, parties, telephone, internet... these are the places and people we turn to escape and be with and forget about the reality and the present situation...

yes we pray and turn to God in prayer but how long? how often? just to be relieved?!

sometimes we need to get away from these things and people and find a place to think and converse with the Lord to find a new perspective and new direction... it's a place away from the crowd... to the mountain... just like what i did...

the beauty of God's creation

empty words... empty mind...

waaahh... it is so hard to write again... to gather the words and compose a phrase or a sentence how much more a paragraph... i know i was tired lately but I have already rested. In fact the whole day today I just slept and watched movies and ate then slept again, took a bath, chatted for awhile with friends.

now, i am trying to write again having the privilege to use a computer with internet for free but i couldn't gather my thoughts... What am i thinking? nothing lately...

after the mountain top experience

i missed writing about anything i have experienced... maybe this isn't just my priority that when i get busy this is suddently neglected... and that's the reason for not writing for so long... i have been busy preparing for a week of training in Baguio City.

There's a sense of accomplishment the moment the training started and seeing everything you prepared look good (though there are still some errors) and people are enjoying the training. Though everybody is tired even just for the first day but it's worth the toil and effort seeing the people being blessed.

It has been a tiring week but also refreshing because it was Baguio. The cool breeze helped to set the mood, it relaxes the weary mind and body. Seeing the people respond to God's word and learning new skills in the training, you would forget about how physically exhausted you were. you want to see them accomplish their plans and goals for that week.

despite the victory, why is it hard to smile after the whole of experiencing the joy of fellowship and blessing... that's called burn out. I need rest. and that's what I did the whole day when we arrived in Manila. Sleep. Oh it was so good and very relacxing.

now i can smile again remembering everything that has happened during the training. It's now time to prepare for the next training... new ideas are already flooding my mind. It's a time of evaluation and preparation.

When No One Seems to Understand…

It pays to be honest with your feelings. It's easier to hide them when you know it’s going to create conflicts and fights. It is especially hard with family and close friends because it’s a risk that they can take advantage to hurt us in the future. We don't want to be condemned and misjudged. At least this is true to me.

I choose peace over truth by remaining silent and by withdrawing if there's an argument or if am confronted. I thought that was easier without realizing that I still have to face them (the issues) in the future. And I am confronted.

I thought I was successful with my relationship with my friends when I chose silence over discussion and when I suppressed my real feelings than to express them. I thought it was success because they are still my friends until now as far as I am concerned. But the issues I have been running away from are arising with new relationships and friendships I have. And I have to face them. Now, I am facing them.

If you know me, I am not really good with confrontation but I have learned to face them—to listen and probe other's feelings and let them speak not realizing that one day I will have to face the same situation. The time has come that I'd break my silence.

It took several arguments with a close friend for me to learn how to express my thoughts, my feelings, my worries and my fears without being condemned and judged… still with the assurance that I am loved and accepted… helping me unload my heavy feelings toward our disagreement. And now I am understood.

I always say that it was hard to guess what other's are thinking and feeling so I want to know but I also don't know how to do that when I am in the same situation and is hurting. I made my loved ones guess what I was feeling. And it wasn't that easy… you could ask Abby how many sighs and deep breaths she heard and had to listen before I finally spoke one word and then phrases not even a complete sentence still afraid to be misunderstood. But I expect to be understood.

One day, I heard from DZAS as they were discussing about communication that most of us assume that people close to us already understand and should understand why we are behaving a certain way because they have known us already. But those expectations and assumptions aren't true most of the time, if not all the time. And I proved it true but I still would have to argue that they should because I do. At a certain level yes but it still takes an open communication. Have I really communicated my thoughts and feelings clearly? I guess not. Then I tried. And now somebody understands and is still trying to understand…

When it doesn’t feel comfortable anymore…

this blog has been in my draft for more than five months now... i forgot why i wasn't able to post it but when i saw it again... i felt that this is the right time to post it.

I'd rather be silent. Run away. Escape. Or just evaporate from that situation… But it was going through those uncomfortable moments that I've learned. I'm glad that I didn’t escape and run away.

It's happening again. I'm facing uncomfortable situations that I thought of escaping. But I want to learn the lesson that goes with it. So I choose to stay and face the fears... the discomfort...

One of the greatest lessons in life, I have learned in Faith Bible College. I could have just escaped it if I wanted to but I chose to stay because I want to be a better person and to be prepared for the greater task the Lord has for me. And I am glad I did. I stayed I endured. It was painful and I have caused so much pain also to the teachers and even to my mom. Simple rule I couldn't follow but I tried even if it meant giving up my own comforts and "joys". If I didn't learn until now I would be a headache to my leaders.

I remember saying a prayer to God during those uncomfortable moments that may He give me the grace to go through the situation as I submit to Him as He was molding me and preparing me... I won't forget those moments that i brought headache and heartaches because i choose to do things my own way and wouldn't want to follow...

now I am experiencing the reverse having some people giving me heartaches and headaches by not doing simple tasks and responsibilities. Having been in their situation, I think I understand how they think and feel... but being on the other side this time... it wasn't comfortable for me also to confront people because I hate to be hated. But I have to even if it doesn't feel comfortable again...

Challenges in the Journey

When your vision is challenged and your passion is questioned...

I thought everything's now clear and will be fine. I have seen it--the mountain peak. That's where we're going. We started the journey at the foot of the mountain excited looking forward to being at the top resting on clouds and enjoying the view. There are challenges along the way. Obstacles to overcome and going through the dark trails of the forest. Looking up we didn’t see the top of the mountain anymore. And it feels like we are going nowhere… We’re getting tired already and physically exhausted. Temper aren't controllable anymore creating conflicts. I hear somebody complaining, the others murmuring. I'm getting discouraged as well. Everybody doesn’t seem to be cooperating anymore. They wanted to go back now and abandon the journey. Some are thinking it isn't worth it. I don't know what to do. I thought I was leading and guiding but I am also lost and even questioning if it is really the right track. But I am sure I was led here. This is the way that was shown to me. This is what the map said the right track. There are no shortcuts. And we were also warned of the dangers along the way. That made us aware of the things to expect but I didn’t know it's going to be this hard and that the tension and danger will include of internal conflicts and struggles. I thought those would be brought by the outside factors but the struggle within and among us are even harder. It is all dark now and all I can hear are complaints and murmuring.

I just closed my eyes and listen again to my Guide. When I opened my eyes, there was a glimpse of light at the end of the woods. I followed the light. I was like standing on an open space/hill with the dark forest behind me and a beautiful view of the mountain peak in front of me. Once again, my Guide showed me where He was leading me and where I am going. I didn't know some followed me and they, too saw what I have seen but the others who are complaining stayed. I have to go back and tell them about it. It wasn't that easy to convince discouraged and frustrated people on the journey but they got to see the picture. I hope everybody would see it and be encouraged again that we are on the right track with the view once again shown to us in the middle of discouragements and frustrations.

the Connection... of the past and the present

it has been ten years since I left Taytay after graduating from high school and ventured out in the Universtiy belt for College. Of course i still visit once in a while but I don't stay longer.

and then... there is SM Taytay. But it's not really about SM why i kept coming back lately to Taytay and why I am staying there longer this time compared before. There are actually many reasons. First, a close friend just moved there so I stay to spend time with her (I am sure she'll be happy to read this). Second, I miss home.. I really miss staying at my tita's place besides, I haven't spent quality time with them this past years and I just miss them. There are other reasons but I want to end with this: my third and last reason is because of the increase in fare. Taytay was closer to the office and after travelling around region 4 it was a place for me to rest as well at the same time to hang out with friends who are just around the corner of Taytay. And now with the opening of Starbucks we don't need to worry about going home because we are just few minutes away from home.

Starbucks in Taytay also gave a sense of connection to the past. There was not a visit in there that I haven't met people I knew in the past. And memories flooded my mind seeing old peeps and familiar faces. I feel at home.

life of both extremes

i missed the city life...

For how many months, I think it was the longest I have stayed in Tagaytay to do all the reports and computer works and organized my "computer life"--updates my schedule on time and organize all the reports that I do monthly. Oh I forgot... I did stay long there during that two weeks in May when Abby and I worked on the materials for the IFOCUS Life and Ministry. But I wasn't able to organize my things then because I was focused on finishing the materials.

Tagaytay City is a city but unlike Manila where there are malls and the traffic and the noise and the people... staying up late at night at coffee shops with friends it's not that picture of a city. There is sturbucks in Tagaytay and the view is great staring at Taal Volcano while sipping Mocha Java Frappuccino. And that made it different. Though enjoying the food and drinks in the city but the ambiance is still the same. It's not that I don't like it because I love it. But what I am trying to say is that I miss the city life... with friends hanging around the malls and the noise and the people rushing...

My life is kinda mixture of both... I lived in the city for how many years but I also lived in the province located by the seaside and passing through mountains and fields. and I love both lives. But my problems is if I stay longer on the other one then I got bored and needed to change locations. I think maybe that's why the Lord gave me this ministry so I can travel a lot and not stay in one place so I won't get bored... and that makes my life more exciting and adventurous. If I want to be away from the crowded cities then I can just stay in my place in Tagaytay and help in the ministry there.... or the other way around.

the Warrior Princess

i got this phrase from a chapter of the book Captivating. it tells of a life of both extremes as well. ...having the comforts of the palace and the dangers of the battlefield... having the beauty and privileges of the princess and the bravery and discipline of the warriors... but both are courageous in their own fields and in facing the life of two different worlds. that is how i sometimes feel--being a child of the King of kings and at the same time trained to face the battles in this world before going home to the kingdom. I love the adventure. But it takes clear communication to my Commander who is also my King not to get lost and to receive instructions to get through everything victoriously...

Saturday Night

Saturday Night without hang-out is boring for other people. But for church people, satruday nights are preparations for the following day's worship service.

In high school, it used to be preparation of Sunday School lessons for kids and a material for the youth small group. But before that, joining praise and worship was fun and tiring. Fun because I enjoy music and my friends are around but is also tiring because it sometimes took the team to practice until late at night and the following day you had to wake up early. But I miss those days during my teen age years.

In college, it was quite the same except even when I transferred to another church. But since we were older, we sometimes did some errands in the mall after the practice and I remember one time watching movie but that was only once. And that wasn't good for it stole the heart's condition for the worship service the following day.

In the Bible when the Jews prepared for the Sabbath day it doesn't start in the morning but in the afternoon the day before. So I was thinking, why was that concept not practiced anymore because sad to say that there are lots of Christians that instead of preparing for the worship made themselves so tired even to wake up the following day which made a lot of people miss the worship service.

I wasn't an excuse because I was like that also some time in my life. Like now, it's Saturday and the streets of Tagaytay is crowded, I'm not sure for what reason. But during weekends, there are a lot of tourists in Tagaytay which made the streets crowded and caused traffic jam also. I'm just wondering how many among these people have their hearts prepared for tomorrow's worship or do they even plan to attend to one?!

How about you, how do you spend your Saturday night?